


Remaining Cherry Blossoms

by 88WingDing



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bands, But he gets the boy so who's the real winner, Kinda?, Komaeda couldn't get out of this shithole if he blew up the gym (again), M/M, Mioda feels like Ko has that sweet sweet Emotional Baggage, Slow Burn, Songfic, also naegi looks like a ladies man but he's actually just a mess and has no clue what happened, and things only escalate when she finds out he can sing, ikusaba goes by mukuro otonashi here, ill add tags as i go dw babes, literally most of the relationships are background so, sfjgjhfklash just now realized this is gonna be the slowest burn youve ever seen in your life so
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-06-21 23:51:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15569097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/88WingDing/pseuds/88WingDing
Summary: Komaeda becomes Mioda and her friends' pet project.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Komaeda has no clue what he's in for.

"Alright class! Time for another amazing day, now who's ready?!"

Varying levels of cheers and grumbles came from his classmates, Komaeda offered a smile that stretched just a little too widely across his face and a quiet, "Ready, Yukizome Sensei."

He was in a particularly off mood today. His breakfast tasted better than normal and the bus was uncommonly empty, allowing him to snag a seat that wasn't even all that dirty, and not to mention his head doesn't even hurt that much today! It hasn't throbbed like normal since he woke up and he absolutely hates it! His brain is wracked with stress and worry about what awful thing could possibly happen next...

"Nagito-chan, Nagito-chan! Hey hey hey, Na-gi-to-chaaaan!!!"

He jerked his head up from where he didn't realize it fell to level his eyes with the striking magenta-purple eyes that could only belong to the SHSL Musician. Under usual circumstances, Komaeda would be thrilled to have such a talented SHSL address him at all, much less many times over by name. But today he isn't sure if he can converse with the most excitable SHSL of his classmates without going more than a little crazy by doing so. Perhaps this would be the bad luck? He would have shaken the idea from his mind if not for the company he was in. Of course not, the presence of a SHSL could never be bad luck, trash like him had no right to say otherwise. Though a part of him sunk with the revelation, he wished something wouldn't go his way for once.

"Ah, Mioda-san, I apologize. Did I fall asleep?"

He tried his best to give her a natural smile, though he felt like it ended up being lopsided and awkward, though it might be able to pass as apologetic. Mioda grinned broadly, if she noticed anything then she didn't mention it, though if that was the case it would be yet another example of good luck. Dear god. 

"Nope nope! At least Ibuki-chan doesn't think so... though if Nagito-chan was he was really quiet!! Ibuki-chan always snores real loud like this!! HAAAGHH... shooo... HAAAGHH... shooo..."

Komaeda, despite his (comparatively) better nature, he doesn't know how much of Mioda's exclamations and vocalizations he can take. Perhaps she will get bored of him soon... Ah, that must be it! His bad luck would be chasing off a SHSL because of his unsightly attitude! My, how despairing of a situation that would be. To have the opportunity to be useful to such talent only to squander it with his repulsiveness.

"Well I'll consider myself lucky for that I suppose... I assume I missed homeroom announcements though, that's unfortunate."

He had to struggle to keep a smile down, finally.

"Yup, that's correct! By the waysies, Ibuki-chan has been having sooo much trouble with her writer's block!!! It's driving her crazy!!!"

Tugging her hair, she somehow manages to give Komaeda puppy eyes from above him.

"So Ibuki-chan thought, "Ibuki-chan's brain can't make songs, but maybe her friends' brains can!!!" and so she came to get Nagito-chan since he's got a unique brain for picking!!!"

'If only you knew how much people picked it already...' Komaeda thought as the eccentric girl began comically poking his head, accompanying each action with a 'boop'.

"How kind of Mioda-san to offer my pitiful thought process such praise, though I doubt I'm very interesting... trash like me can't compare to the mind of one such as a true SHSL. You might find better help from someone of more worth."

He forced an encouraging smile onto his face. Mioda just shook her head violently, "Nope! Ibuki-chan likes Nagito-chan's head, he has so many funny thoughts up there!"

Funny, he guessed, meant the stranger version of the word in favour of finding his thoughts humorous, though one can never be sure with Mioda. Though... maybe he would be useful to her, then perhaps whatever bad luck he will face later in the day would be worth the shining hope that will come from the encounter. And it's not as if he had any talent of his own worthy (or possible) to nurture within the class time hours, so he might as well spend them attempting to assist a SHSL.

"Well then, I suppose there will be no talking you out of this will there?"

The girl shook her head in response.

"Alright then, pick away Mioda-san. I sincerely hope you will find any part of my brain useful for bounding forward your bright hope."

He grinned widely, only half ingenuine this time.

Mioda returned his grin tenfold before grabbing his wrist and mimicking what sounded like a bell chime before dragging Komaeda out of the classroom, and in turn, his chair. It took a bit to recuperate from the blood rushing to his head from standing up so quickly, less time than it would have had his head been hurting as much as usual, but still more time than Mioda had apparently. He then noticed Saionji following closely behind.

"Hello Saionji-san, are you coming along with us?"

The dancer only responded with a special cross between a pout and a scowl that only Saionji has perfected and, "Well even if I am, I could've been just walking to the same place as you idiots, I do go to the auditorium too y'know."

Ah, "My apologies, I shouldn't have assumed. Though I didn't know you two studied together, it must be wonderful to have two talented hopes help make each other more even more beautiful!"

For the first time that day, there was only joy and wonder in the smile he gave them. But Saionji only scowled further, "What the heck? Why'd you have to bring this weirdo, big sis?"

Mioda stopped walking altogether and turned herself to face Saionji.

"Because! Nagito-chan! Has! A! Good! Head!!!"

She punctuated her words each with a different hand gesture. 

"And besides, has Hiyoko-chan heard him sing??? He's really good!!!"

... wait...

"Excuse me???"

What was he supposed to do with this??? What the hell???

"My singing is subpar if not horrible and even if it somehow stood anywhere near the baseline average how could you have known??"

She just smiled at him and cocked her head to the side as if to imply he was a child. "Nagito-chan sings a lot when he doesn't think anyone can hear him!!"

_

He had just gotten back to his dorm from homeroom. Nanami had organized a game day to celebrate some of Mahiru's pictures getting their own exhibit in a foreign museum in some country or another, possibly France? He can't exactly remember. Nanami had brought many consoles and video games to play, as she always does, and Hanamura prepared some "cuisine française" as he put it. Nanami had brought a new title for the GameCube, ("You have to have a GameCube if you want to call yourself a gamer Hinata-kun," Komaeda heard her say once, "It doesn't matter if it's discontinued, you have to have one.") the game seemed nice, A Wonderful Life the cover said, so Komaeda asked if he could give it a try since most of the SHSL's had opted to play games on the more modern consoles. He started up the game not expecting much, the graphics were just about what was to be expected from a game made in 2003, but he found it fun and hummed the overworld theme quietly as he played the game. Even after homeroom ended and he was free to go to his room he was humming the cheerful tune. When he got to his room and sat at his desk to look over the little notes he had from the classes he enjoyed, he had favoured vocalizing the melody over humming.

//

Mioda had just been passing by the boys' dorms to help Mitarai with his anime, (though she doesn't know how she was much help sobbing over the beautiful masterpiece's musical accompaniment) when she heard singing coming from one of the dorms. She was immediately curious, as there weren't any musically talented male students in their year, or at least not ones that were recognized by the school. The closer she got to the source of the tune the more it started sounding like something she heard earlier that day at the gaming party her class organized. She followed the song to one of the boys' dorms, on the nameplate next to the door read, "Komaeda Nagito".

_

Komaeda was mortified, he knew he had a habit of humming to himself but he never wanted to force any of the SHSL's to have to listen to his horrid singing voice.

"I'm so sorry, I thought I was quiet enough so that no one could hear, I should've never sung like that."

He hung his head low as he bowed to the confused girl who had just complimented him.

"What does Nagito-chan mean 'sorry'?? That was just what Ibuki-chan needed!! She wants to help you write a song!!!"

His expression froze at that, he felt like a deer in the headlights as he thought about what Mioda had said. Help him... write a song...?

"Write... a song..." at this point Komaeda was talking more to himself than Mioda or Saionji, "help me...? That can't be right..." because it couldn't. He was supposed to be assisting Mioda with her writer's block, not Mioda assisting Komaeda. He didn't even want to write a song. He enjoyed beautiful music of course but writing his own felt like an insult to music itself. Talentless trash could never produce anything but talentless trash, he felt guilty even humming to himself. He should have never let himself selfishly indulge in singing like that. Mioda didn't understand, she just nodded furiously.

"No!! It's right!! Nagito-chan has a pretty voice and Ibuki-chan wants to help write a song about him!! He's the most interesting thing Ibuki-chan can think of!!! Please please Nagito-chan, help her write a song!"

She gave him similar puppy dog eyes but this time they were even more effective now that she was actually looking up at Komaeda as she was supposed to. He takes a second to wonder how Mioda's begging skills haven't been recognized by the school as an official talent before seriously considering the poor girl's proposal.

He supposed this could still work in his, and ultimately Mioda's favour. Mioda has, in fact, been suffering from writer's block lately, and it has been affecting her grades. Komaeda tries to keep tabs on his beloved classmates' grades in case any of them seemed as if they could benefit from his attempts at assistance, and Mioda has been on his watchlist for quite some time. There hasn't been an exam since her writer's block got particularly bad, but if she doesn't have a performance to present by next month's exam, she will surely be put back at least 60% of her midterm grade. That would be truly despairing indeed. He could attempt to postpone the exam again, though he is still under the school's close watch since the gym incident. If she has as much hope in Komaeda as she says, this could be her best chance at an acceptable performance for the exam. Now that he thinks about it the only real issue is he would rather Mioda take interest in someone else. Someone talented and brilliant with shining hope that would send her own hope skyrocketing, but instead she chose Komaeda. A poor decision really, but there was evidently no talking her out of it. If she was to pass her exam, she needed him. But even still... writing his own song... he will surely only bring down Mioda's work, he couldn't bear to do that to a SHSL. And if she actually intended for him to sing...

"I apologize Mioda-san, but I need to think this over. This must be thought over carefully. I understand though, that you are short on time, so I will come to you with an answer by tomorrow at the latest."

Mioda visibly deflated at this.

"Oh... Ibuki-chan understands..." she seemed to be in considerable despair, but like a phoenix rising from the ashes, a glimmering hope settled itself in her eyes.

"So she will wait for your answer tomorrow!! Though she is positive Nagito-chan will say yes!"

A bright smile shined across her features, Komaeda returned it fully.

"We will certainly see Mioda-san." and with that, he walked away. He could hear Saionji saying something about a 'cryptic creepazoid'. If that was but a glimpse of the hope Mioda might exhibit after painstakingly working with Komaeda on her song, perhaps it wouldn't be such a bad idea... he completely forgot about his bad mood for a while, preferring to think deeply about the perplexing situation he's found himself in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here it is, now take it... this might go on for a good while since i got a lot of stuff planned but ultimately im writing this as i go so dont take my word for anything but i swear this is a serious fic i put thought into
> 
> (you can take ko playing harvest moon from my cold dead hands)
> 
> edit: i edited the chapter cuz i thought it shouldve been longer since i got a lot of ground to cover as it is next chapter


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A typical day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if youre confused about where the chapter starts its probably because you didnt read the updated version, im sorry! Ill try and make sure to put more thought into my chapters so this doesnt happen again. but i still hope you enjoy the chapter!

After officially putting Mioda's plan on hold, Komaeda didn't have much to do. The SHSL's usually ran around campus or stayed in their labs honing their talents, Komaeda didn't exactly have a talent that needed to be any more prominent in his life than it already was, so his school day is spent either alone or assisting the SHSL's. Right now though, everyone seems to be doing well enough on their own without the help of trash like him, and Matsuda hasn't sent him any messages asking him to come up to his lab, so he obviously wasn't needed there. He supposed that meant another few periods alone, though he didn't mind. In fact, he more often than not enjoyed the days he could spend in silence. He picked up one of his books, worn from use, and made his way out of the school. He went out the back entrance and circled around to the back of the reserve course building. He could have just walked out the front, he'd gotten away with it many times before, but today was going surprisingly well so far, and he didn't want to push his luck any farther. He sat down on the grass with his spine up against the wall of the building, feeling the soft warmth of the sun as a light breeze blows through the air. He closed his eyes for a moment. The reserve course students all took mandatory class periods, so he knows he won't be bothered by the reserve at least until lunch.

He sent a quick text to Hinata, telling him where he was and that he'd be waiting. He hoped Hinata had silenced his phone, he would hate for him to get in trouble because of a text Komaeda had sent. To think Komaeda would go out of his way to spend time with a student in the reserve course would have sounded laughable last year, but now in his second year, it was simply commonplace. It didn't make much sense and it's still a bit preposterous, but yet, commonplace. They were similar after all, Komaeda felt as if he could relate to the other. Both of them idolized hope, talent, and in turn, Hope's Peak. Both ended up here through their own means, the only difference being one was chosen for his talent, and one was chosen for his lack thereof. Komaeda was gifted this opportunity by his extraordinary luck, while Hinata owed the opportunity to his normalcy. He had been specially picked to be the participant of an experiment, the Izuru Kamakura Project, because his physiology, genetic makeup, and brain chemistry were ideal for a perfect clone, a blank slate. The experiment in and of itself was controversial at best, and inhumane at worst, but it only required a physical examination, an MRI scan, and a blood sample from Hinata. And with a fully paid enrollment to the reserve course of Hopes Peak Academy as compensation, Hinata accepted without a second thought. 'Hinata is a bit of a bad person.' Komaeda caught himself thinking, though he knew that, him being how he was last year, he would have done the same in a heartbeat, blindly trusting the school he had come to idolize in his head. That ideology had somewhat been replaced by a strange feeling of resentment towards the higher-ups in the school board for tainting what was supposed to be a place to nurture hope and trying to turn it into a factory to produce cheap, knockoff talent. He still loved the students themselves though, so he was still happy to attend, of course, and Hinata had been happy enough to be given the opportunity to study in a place that could provide the resources to work even harder than how he used to. 'So hopeful,' he thought, 'hope in the hands of the talentless is foolishness, but his determination is admirable all the same.'

Hinata was similar to him, yes, but also so fundamentally alien. Hinata grew up with a mother and father who had low-wage jobs but who loved their son with their whole hearts. Hinata went to a school where he had friends that he watch movies with where he could sit at the very front without hurting his neck or ride a rollercoaster without throwing up just from being too scared or play tag without fear of serious injury or hide-and-seek without worrying if his friends forgot about him or capture the flag without fear of boring his friends because of his stupid luck-

Komaeda took a deep breath.

Hinata was born into normalcy and he'd probably die in the same normalcy, a life devoid of major hope or despair.

Komaeda's life would never be like that.

Komaeda realized he'd been sitting still thinking to himself for more than half an hour, he hadn't even begun to read his book. He opened the cover, flipped a few pages. And began to read.

Komaeda had gotten through half the book by the time he heard the telltale bell chime and the chatter of students as they exited their classrooms. He closed his book and straightened his posture. A reserve student would be put through hell if they directly hurt a main course student, but it never hurt to be on the cautious side, especially with the animosity some reserve students seem to have towards SHSL's. He didn't need to look around long until he saw Hinata, his single, wild strand of hair pointing skywards like a beacon. Komaeda smiled warmly as Hinata approached and Hinata soon returned it with his own almost abashed version. "Hello, Hinata-kun." Komaeda said as Hinata sat down. "Hey Komaeda," his eyes were slightly glazed over and lidded, "sorry, I had a hard time paying attention in class today, I almost fell asleep a few times." Komaeda laughed at that, "I see, how peculiar, I was the same during homeroom. Though I actually did fall asleep then." Hinata laughed with him, his gaze drifted to the object in Komaeda's hand. "What were you reading today?" The bookworm smiled brightly, Hinata often asked about what books he read, but knowing he was interested as to what Komaeda enjoyed was always met with glee. "Well it's a mystery but there's also a good amount of horror. The concept is nothing new but the author's romanticized writing is unexpectedly lovely when paired with the horror elements. They describe every horrible situation in such vivid and stylistic detail it makes me tingle!!" Hinata's eyes were trained on him as he spoke. "I also really do love the protagonist of the story, the author wrote her as such a hopeful individual and then threw her into despair without missing a beat. I believe hope she will show in later chapters will be nothing less than inspiring!" He clasped his hands together for emphasis as Hinata let out a sigh. "I'm sure she will Komaeda..."

His eyes ever so slowly fluttered shut before opening again. "Sorry, I'm still really tired, can I, like..." he gestured vaguely with one of his hands. "lean on you if that's ok? It's fine if you think that's weird, I'm just wondering." Komaeda stopped mid-sentence, searching Hinata's face for any sign of a joke before smiling. "Not at all, you can rest if you need to, though I'm probably not a very comfortable pillow." All Komaeda got from him was a noncommittal hum before Hinata rested his head on the other's shoulder. He could smell Hinata's shampoo, it smelled vaguely of nuts, though not quite almonds. His brain immediately filled in the gap with the word 'chestnuts' before being reminded of the time he compared the brunette to the food. "A part of me thinks you don't even like chestnuts..." he said aloud before Hinata responded. "...are you sniffing my hair...?" Komaeda quickly backtracked, "Oh no, I'm sorry, your shampoo is just very aromatic. I wouldn't have guessed you were a scented shampoo kind of guy." Hinata shrugged, an awkward motion when leaning on someone's shoulder. "Yeah well, you can probably tell just from how much you shower that you also use scented shampoo, Mr. Sakura Blossom." Komaeda put on a fake pout, "Well at least I use conditioner." he said with no bite in his voice. "How can you possibly know if I use conditioner or not." Komaeda grinned. "Your SHSL Tsuntsun Hair is hard to miss, Hinata-kun." Hinata groaned, long and dragged out. "It's not that spiky!" All he could do in response to Hinata's outburst was laugh. "Ah, there he is, tsundere Hinata-kun is in full throttle." Hinata shut his eyes tight and pushed his face into the crook of Komaeda's neck, "Uggghhh..." before pulling away to sit upright. "whatever, let's just eat."

Komaeda hummed in acknowledgement. "You know Kotoko-chan from the orphanage I volunteer for? She absolutely loves hand peeled chestnuts, but hates unpeeled or factory peeled chestnuts." Hinata looked at him lazily, "Wow, I'd say she sounds like a bitch but she's, like, 9 isn't she?" Komaeda shook his head, "10, she keeps reminding me. She can somehow tell the difference between hand and factory peeled just from eating one, so take a guess who has to peel them." Hinata's eyes open impossibly wide. "No... that's ridiculous! How many of those does the kid eat?" He thought for a moment. "About 30 a day." "Thirty a day?! This is an orphanage, why do they care if she gets her damned chestnuts or not?" Komaeda laughed. "They don't, but I do. I buy a bag of unpeeled chestnuts from the store before I leave to volunteer so I can peel them for her when I go." Hinata's gaze softened, or maybe he was just imagining that. "Why though? You don't need to. And don't give me that "She's a SESL Drama kid" bull." Komaeda sighed, "Ah, yes, but it is true, she's such a bright-" "What did I just say?!" He sighed again. "I just love the hope that shines inside her, what can I say?" Hinata quirked an eyebrow, "Love?" he asked. "That's a strong word, why don't you just say you love her instead of her 'hope' if you care about her so much?" Komaeda stilled, did he love Kotoko? He cared for her deeply, as he did for Nagisa, Masaru, and Jataro, but did he love them? What did love even mean? How would he know? What did it feel like? Had he ever loved anyone before? Had he loved his parents? Any of his servants? His new friends? He stopped that thought process before it opened up a can of worms. "I don't know..." and it was the truth.

They sat in comfortable (at least on his end) silence for a time while they were eating their bentos, and then they shared pleasant banter until lunch ended. "Thank you for today Hinata-kun." Komaeda gave him a small bow to express his gratitude. Hinata simply nodded, "No problem, same here." He rubbed his eyes before saying his goodbyes.

-

The day had ended and Komaeda had called his chauffeur to pick him up from school, in a deceptively expensive black car via Komaeda's request. Never again will he be picked up in a limousine, that caused far too many issues. When he arrived, he greeted one of the maids and asked how the day had been. "Oh just fine, Komaeda-sama, though Sasaki-san came down with a bad cold after you left this morning." She quickly backtracked, "not that it was your fault of course, probably is just happenstance." Komaeda laughed softly yet somewhat bitterly, ah, so this was it. "No, it was most definitely me, thank you for telling me. Send Sasaki-san my regards and inform her I'll be avoiding her for the time being, for her own good of course. Please see to it that she's well" The maid gave him a sad look, "As you wish, Komaeda-sama." and walked away.

He walked to his room and shut the door behind him before sitting on his bed and placing his head in his hands. Sasaki is his best maid and the closest to him out of his servants. He genuinely did feel bad about what happened to her, and he wished he could see her and apologize in person, though he knew that his luck would likely only make things worse. Deciding that there isn't much he can do about it, he opts to play the game Nanami had let him borrow, the same one he played at the party. Upon finding Komaeda liked the game, she had immediately offered to let him take it home with him if he had the console for it. He didn't at the time but it wasn't hard to find a used one in decent condition online and have it shipped over. Nanami had been excited he found an interest in one of her games, and she had told him that the specific game was, "an experience he has to see through to the end." He played for a good while, planting and harvesting crops, speaking to the villagers, and the like. By the time dinner was prepared Komaeda was about two in-game weeks into it.

Dinner was uneventful as always, but it wasn't unenjoyable. Komaeda often ate with his servants when he could, he liked talking about what everyone had done that day, or he at least favoured it to eating alone. Most all of his servants just pitied him, but he tried to view the situation optimistically, at least they don't want to kill him for his money or something like in a bad mystery novel. Sasaki had her food taken to her quarters for the night, Komaeda thought about her the whole time at the dinner table.

-

Komaeda is hunched over his table as he writes in the dim light of his old desk lamp.

Good morning.  
No headache.  
Slept through homeroom.  
Mioda-san's proposal.  
Sasaki-san's cold.

This was today's list, he stopped putting his encounters with Hinata on his lists ever since he caught himself putting 'Lunch with Hinata' under good luck for the 4th time that week.

He looked at his list again, this time scribbling notes in the margins of the paper.

3 Good luck - Good morning.  
4 Good luck - No headache.  
5 Bad luck - Slept through homeroom.  
??? - Mioda-san's proposal.  
7 Bad luck - Sasaki-san's cold.

7 Good luck  
12 Bad luck

Komaeda hummed thoughtfully, usually his good and bad luck evened out with a slow incline or decline of good or bad luck depending on the context, but lately, his luck has been almost exactly equal in its duality, so there's no reason for the balance to tip towards bad luck. He supposed Mioda's proposal still hasn't been placed, so perhaps that was the good luck that would even the scale? Turning off the desk lamp, Komaeda decides to sleep on it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Komaeda falls down the rabbit hole

Everything hurt when Komaeda woke up, his head was throbbing at 150% how it usually does, probably because of the good luck of yesterday. He heard that Sasaki-san's condition hasn't worsened, but hasn't improved either. He supposed he shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. Along with that, his body felt heavy. He had a difficult time even sitting up in his bed. He barely had the energy to chew his food, though nothing tasted quite right anyway. He knew it wasn't his servants' fault, some days food just tastes lacklustre and swallowing seems like a chore, this was one of those days. The bus was crowded as always, but he had the displeasure of standing next to an older man on the way to the school. Even at 6 in the morning, the man reeked of alcohol and swayed back and forth as he stood, repeatedly colliding with Komaeda. He found himself with a newfound resolve, he was going to be the SHSL Stepping Stone.

He walked into class with a broad smile, greeting all of his friends with cheer as he sat in his seat. He turned to his right, "Good morning Tsumiki-san." She visibly jumped at the greeting before giving an unsure smile of her own, "Ah, hello Komaeda-san, um, how are you feeling today...?" Komaeda smiled wider, "Befitting for the SHSL Nurse to care about trash like me, and how observant! I'm in quite a bit of pain today in fact, thank you for asking!" Tsumiki abandoned her shy demeanour in favour of genuine worry and a hint of underlying horror, Komaeda knew he had a tendency to do that sometimes. "What? How so? Are you sick? Do you have any symptoms?" He let his smile relax as he answered, "You could say that, though really, Tsumiki-san, you needn't worry. I can handle it." She shrank back into her previous persona and began to tear up. "Oh, I'm so sorry! I shouldn't have asked, that's probably personal for you. I'm so ashamed for prying, please forgive me!" Komaeda only laughed, he was desensitized to her antics at this point, as he was sure most of his classmates were with his. They were a strange bunch after all. "You're forgiven." Tsumiki relaxed and gave him a grateful smile before Yukizome walked into the classroom and Nanami-san was poked on the head by Mitarai. She woke up and lazily called the class to their feet to greet their teacher. After mandatory greetings, Yukizome gave the morning announcements for the day. Not much was happening, but one thing caught his attention. The music club, the school had cut out the 'light' in favour of diversity, was still accepting new members. Komaeda obviously had no intention of joining, but it had reminded him of the promise he made to Mioda. Steeling himself, he waited until announcements ended to stand from his seat and find Mioda's. She ended up standing up herself and running over to Komaeda, meeting him halfway. "Nagito-chan! Have you said yes to Ibuki-chan's plea yet?" She looked at him with so much hope in her eyes, Komaeda could feel his own eyes light up. "Yes, I believe I have. I will assist your amazing talent with my feeble voice if it helps me become a stepping stone for your shining hope." Mioda grinned brightly, "Yes!!! Follow Ibuki to the auditorium so you can meet everyone!" She grabbed his arm so tight it hurt and quickly ran out the door and down the hall, Komaeda barley avoided tripping over nothing. "Um, everyone?" he asked worriedly over the sound of Mioda's shoes slamming against the floor. She only nodded vigorously, "Everyone!!!" Mioda's horns almost gouge someone's eye out as she ran past them, Komaeda notes they vaguely look like the ears of a rabbit.

Down the hole he goes, he supposed.

-

When they finally reached the auditorium, Komaeda was out of breath. He panted heavily as he looked around the room, he recognized a student from the class below them. The SHSL Pop Star, Sayaka Maizono. He notes to keep Hanamura away from this one. She was as cute as she looked in her magazines. She smiled at them as they entered. "Hi, Mioda-san! Where's Saionji-senpai?" Mioda let out an audible gasp, "Oh no!! Ibuki-chan left her in the classroom! Ibuki-chan is sooo sorry!!" Komaeda heard someone run up behind them before Mioda got tackled to the ground by Saionji jumping her from behind. "You weirdos left me to dry! You're both so mean I should tear out both your hair! Starting with you!" Mioda was barely able to escape from Saionji's grabby hands as she rolled away and popped back up like a meerkat. "Nagito-chan! This is none other than the adorable and beautiful Sayaka Maizono! Though I suppose I didn't need to tell you that." She added a tactful eyebrow wiggle to successfully insinuate her intentions. "Ah, hello Maizono-san, I'd never objectify such a hopeful individual like that. The only reason I know you is because I found one of your magazines." He decided she didn't need to know that it was on the side of the road, he wouldn't want her to think he was implying it was worthless. She blushed and laughed a little nervously. "Haha, yeah I felt really awkward doing that photo shoot. But it helped get publicity and funding for the band that's for sure. It's nice to meet you Komaeda-senpai." He stilled at the mention of his name. "How do you know me?" Maizono smiled, "Mioda-san told us about you, she was so excited to work with you on this song." Komaeda's face only fell, how foolish his classmate was. "I'm sorry to disappoint, but I doubt I'll be very good to work with. My voice isn't even close enough to make up for my rotten self and my dreadful luck." Maizono's face mirrored his as she stood up to face Komaeda straight on. "I'm sure that's not the case, even if your voice isn't great, you aren't rotten and I'm positive you will be a joy to work with." She offered a warm smile that Komaeda begrudgingly returned, there was no use fighting it, she would learn eventually. Although none of his classmates have seemed to quite yet. "Well no matter, I'm here now so what should we do? I'm not terribly familiar with this." Mioda grinned with contagious hope. "Let's get started!!!"

The first thing they did was test Komaeda's vocals. Mioda offered the suggestion of not needing to and getting straight to picking his brain, and she was accompanied by Saionji, who wanted to get this over with as fast as possible. But Maizono insisted that she needed to know the pitch of the lead vocalist before they even began writing. Komaeda didn't like the idea of being lead vocalist while the SHSL Pop Star herself was stuck with backup vocals, but he swallowed his discomfort for the sake of Mioda's exam grade. He did find it interesting, however, to see the normally bright and somewhat airheaded girl become serious and gain something of a fierce presence when talking about her talent. Komaeda had found that this is a trait most SHSL's carry, but seeing it happen right in front of him never ceased to mesmerize him. "First thing is tone. I want you to say 'la'. You don't need to sing, just say it like you would while speaking. 'La'" Komaeda can't help but feel silly as he does what he was told. "Ok, now pronounce the 'a' sound longer, like this." They continued lengthening the single syllable until they had stretched it out into a 5 second sound. "Alright, obviously we have tone down, now we do pitch. My pitch is definitely higher than yours so we'll need to use this." Komaeda followed her to where she sat down in front of a grand piano. "No one here can really play all that well. Since I'm just a pop star and Saionji-senpai is a dancer, Mioda-san with a keytar is the closest thing we have. But I know the basics of it." She plays what Komaeda recognizes as the scales on the instrument. "Obviously we're going to start with 'do' and then go up to 'ti' and then back down." She turned to him with a question in her eyes. "Have you done this before?" Komaeda shook his head. "I've never been so selfish as to ask someone to give me lessons, and I've never considered it much of a priority either, so I've never paid for them." She smiled sadly before turning to the piano, "If your voice is as good as Mioda-senpai insists, it should be taken care of, like the seeds of a plant, they should be nurtured." Her eyes hardened and shone with a warm glow. "You should work hard to nurture talent, don't you agree?" Komaeda thought before answering. "If I was born with as amazing of a talent as yours, I would agree completely." Her face held no reaction to his response as she played the notes a second time and asked him to repeat them. They soon finished and Maizono slowly faded back into her bubbly self, giving Komaeda a flurry of undeserved compliments before calling Mioda and Saionji over.

The girls began to pick his brain as Mioda promised. They asked him about things he loved, things he hated, what his type of girl was (Maizono said the description was too obscure, while Ibuki said that society wasn't ready for Komaeda's love life just yet), and the like. They eventually found a pattern in his answers, "What does hope mean to you?" Maizono asked. Komaeda could only grin. "Hope is a relentless and unbridled positive force, anything and everything created by it is absolute good! Someday I wish to meet the ultimate hope that glows more than anything." Komaeda could feel the girls' eyes on him as his breathing quickened. "To see a desire that glistens with that hope, there is no one who wants that more than I do. I believe that hope will overcome any despair and I will gladly offer my life for the sake of that brilliance." The next time he really looked at them he felt as if he was waking from a dream. They looked at each other before levelling their eyes with his. Saionji was the first to speak, her eyes narrowed and her voice thick with bite. "Ugh, see what you did you dumb slut? You made him go on his longest spiel yet." Mioda didn't say anything but her eyes matched her mouth's smile as she turned to Maizono. The youngest out of the three had stars in her eyes as she looked into Komaeda's own. "I got us our song."

The rest of the class period was spent showing Komaeda chords and basic music composition while the music club works at writing, except for Saionji of course. She would rather speak with him between the others' questions than ask him questions herself. 'Speaking' ended up being gossiping to Komaeda regarding completely untrue things about the people Saionji dislikes, ironically, one of those people was him. "Your hair is so frizzy and gross, you probably don't even shower. I bet it's greasy to the touch just like a garbage bag." Komaeda only sighed. "I take two showers a day Saionji-san, that's just how it is." Saionji somehow became even more disgusted. "Ew, two showers a day? What kind of gross stuff do you do all day that makes you need to shower twice? I got it, you spend the whole day rolling on the bathroom floor. Probably in tears too since you have no friends, that's why no one can ever find you during class period." Komaeda gave her a sidelong glance "How do you know I'm not on campus during class period?" Saionji just rolled her eyes, as if it was the easiest question in the world. "We have a big class. When the muscle heads run around the whole goddamn building doing who-knows-what and haven't seen you once it's pretty weird you know. No one knows if you're plotting murder or growing giant dogs or what." Komaeda went speechless at this and clasped his hands together. "How kind of you all to worry about me! I was surprised anyone even noticed my disappearances. Though I suppose if it's just worry about your own wellbeing then that's not much of a surprise. I'm basically a walking safety hazard." Saionji waved her hands about while she puffed up her cheeks in annoyance. "Shut the hell up dumbass! I'm trying to degrade you, it's no fun when you do it yourself." Komaeda laughed airily, "Of course, Saionji-san." and they fell back into the rhythmic banter of accusation and deflection. Once in a while, he would be called over by one of the two other girls and he was asked questions regarding the song. Questions like, 'What kind of genre do you usually like?', or 'Try and describe how hope makes you feel.', or occasionally, 'How does this sound to you?' and a following snippet of melody. All of which Komaeda absolutely adored, they were written by SHSLs after all! Though at some point, he was informed that agreeing to everything wasn't helpful, so he took to listening to each piece more objectively. He always felt out of line whenever he suggested a change to the melody but Mioda and Mizono were a force of nature when it came to assurance that; yeah, that would sound better, or; ok, he would be able to sing what feels right better than anything else. The two girls found it more efficient when they composed together, Maizono there to keep Mioda's melodies consistent and structured while Mioda helped give Maizono's smooth, pop songs some well placed edge. Komaeda was absolutely brimming with joy as they were packing up for the day. To think that there was this much hope in one space! And this was with Komaeda's presence, when he wasn't here, imagine the light that would emanate from the room! As he said goodbye to his new partners he checked his phone, his face went pale from what he saw.

12 texts from Hinata

3 missed calls from Hinata

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ibuki is rlly just pacing the plotline out cuz yall aren't ready for Komaeda's love life yet. the plot is actually finally starting to move forward! yeah i took most of the wording for ko's hope spiel from his actual dialogue but tbh he sounds like a broken record most of the time and i wanted my dialogue to reflect that. im also going to start writing chapters two at a time, but WRITING TWO CHAPTERS AND POSTING TWO CHAPTERS ARENT THE SAME THING!!! im going to post chapters when i feel like they are ready to be posted and not when i finish writing them. anyway, i hope you all enjoyed and have a great day! :)
> 
> //maizono is a good character and deserves love pass it on


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A crisis is averted.

Komaeda glanced at the time, it had been 20 minutes since lunch had begun. Shit. He ran out of the building and towards the front gates, he didn't have time to go around the back way. Luckily, the security guard was busy threatening some reserve course. Komaeda froze. Upon closer inspection, he found that the reserve course student that was being held by the collar was none other than Hinata. Komaeda inwardly panicked, 'oh god, he probably came to check on me, oh god, why is he so stupid, why is my luck like this, oh god'. He quietly snuck behind the brooding man to where Hinata could see him. He grazed a finger across his neck to make a gesture that hopefully came across as 'get out of there' before hiding behind a convenient bush. He could hear Hinata begrudgingly apologize before his shirt collar was released and the security guard walked away. Komaeda quickly ran to Hinata once he was sure the guard was gone. "Oh god, I'm so sorry Hinata-kun, I was working on a project and lost track of time. That isn't an excuse I should've been paying more attention." His expression changed, fear and shame being replaced with frustration and worry. "Why did you come to the main course building? You know what happens when reserve course student try to do much as step through the main gate! Did he hurt you? Are you hurt? Are you ok?" He held onto Hinata's shoulders, half to emphasize his concern and half to keep himself upright. He was still lightheaded from running and his heart was still pounding from seeing Hinata in potential danger. He had a fleeting thought of 'why do I care' before fear won over his emotional issues. Hinata grabbed Komaeda's wrists to steady the panicked individual as he spoke slowly. "It's ok, I'm ok, I'm not hurt. You should keep track of time better but it's nothing to beat yourself up about. Just breathe." Komaeda did as he was told before letting go of Hinata's shoulders and standing straight. "Ok... I know, I'm sorry, thank you..." He took a deep breath before looking Hinata in the eyes. He assumed his face gave away his frustration from Hinata's awkward laugh. "You're right, I shouldn't have tried to come to the main campus. Sometimes I forget how hard it is since you go in and out everyday. But you've always told me whenever you couldn't have lunch with me so I got... worried I guess. I'm sorry." 'He was worried about me? Why?' A thousand questions came into his head, 'Why was he worried about me? Why wouldn't he be? Doesn't Hinata-kun have better friends? Why would he expect kindness from a SHSL, even if they had a garbage talent such as his own?' In the end, all he could do was shake his head. "Jeez, Hinata-kun..." He took Hinata's hand as he walked towards the reserve course building. "Come on, there's still twenty minutes left of lunch." He could've been imagining the abashed look on Hinata's face when Komaeda touched his hand before the other followed him, he really could've, but it was getting harder and harder to believe that.

He didn't know when it would be appropriate to let go of Hinata's hand, so they ended up walking hand in hand the whole way to their usual meeting spot. Usually, walking with Hinata was a relaxing experience. The other brought out a strange serenity in himself that he couldn't explain, but now he just felt awkward and couldn't help but feel the urge to yank his hand back and wipe it on his shirt in hopes of making it less sweaty. Of course, then it'd be weird to give his hand back to Hinata after that. Komaeda blanked. Why would he give his hand back??? He subtly sped up his pace to get where they need to go quicker, which works surprisingly well since Hinata apparently had the same idea. Komaeda tried desperately to avoid making eye contact as they passed other students, worried that if he were to look up he'd find someone looking at them strangely. When they reached their spot, Komaeda let go of the other's hand and tried to be as discreet as possible in wiping off his hands as he sat down. He stumbled a little from how dizzy he was, he darted his eyes over to Hinata to see if the other noticed. Komaeda finds he didn't notice him as he was too busy trying to be subtle himself. Komaeda found solace in knowing he wasn't alone in his discomfort, but he didn't know if the same could be said for the giddiness he felt in his chest. "So..." Hinata begins, "please tell me you were as uncomfortable as I was." Komaeda let out the breath he didn't know he was holding. "Oh my god, yes, thank you." Both of them started laughing at no one but themselves. It wasn't the same as when Komaeda usually laughed at himself, he felt light, it was a heavenly feeling when contrasted with his less-than-healthy physical condition. "It isn't that I don't enjoy holding hands with you... " Komaeda said before he could give it much thought, "it's just, did you feel how much I was sweating?" Hinata looked at him through smiling eyes. "I thought..." he tried to get out through wild giggles, "that was me." Komaeda couldn't help but start laughing all over again, "We're horrible." he said, still a little lightheaded and out of breath. Hinata could only agree. A few comfortable seconds pass before Hinata speaks again. "So does that mean you like holding hands with me?" Dear god, ok, he supposed this was what was happening now. "I don't dislike it, why so curious, Hinata-kun?" Hinata shrugged, damn his undisclosing shoulders. "No reason, I don't dislike it either." Komaeda looked away from him. "Ok. I don't fully believe you but... ok."

"So you said you were working on a project?" Komaeda is pulled out of his trance by Hinata's question. "Ah, yes. Though I'm a bit embarrassed." This only piqued Hinata's curiosity more, of course. "Well, now you have to tell me." Of course. "Yes, I know, um, so you know Mioda-san right?" A nod. "Well, she needs help with her exam since she has writer's block. So she wanted someone to help her write a song, so she asked me since I'm 'interesting'." He put finger quotes around the last word. It wasn't a lie, it just wasn't the full truth. Hinata seemed to have accepted it well enough though. "You can sing?" And that was the conversation he was trying to avoid. "You don't have to sing to be able to write a song." Hinata didn't back down from his attempt at a deflection. "But you didn't deny it, so I'll ask again. You can sing?" A beat. "No, but people think I can." Hinata nodded seriously. "Oh, so you can." He just glared at the other in response. "How dare you." Hinata's persona broke then, he revealed a teasing grin. "So what did you say to her if you can't sing?" Another beat. "...yes." Hinata leaned back and closed his eyes in content. "And there it is, the lucky one has spoken." Komaeda elbowed him lightly in the arm. "Oh, stop it."

-

Komaeda comes home to Sasaki opening the door for him, at first, he panicked and asked why she isn't in bed before she answered with a quiet laugh. "We told you it was just a small cold. It could've gotten worse but it didn't, I like to think it was you hoping I'd get better." Komaeda didn't know how to respond, he just nodded. "I did want you to recover, and I'm glad you did. Though you couldn't have made a full recovery in just a few hours." The older woman sighed, "Yes, well, I was feeling much better so I thought I should greet you since I hadn't seen you at all yesterday." Komaeda clenched his teeth. "Thank you, Sasaki-san. If you are feeling better, you're welcome to continue working, but please take care of yourself." She only nodded solemnly and closed the door behind him.

-

The feeling of his graphite tipped pencil against the paper was annoying in his current condition, but this needed to be done.

3 Bad luck - Bad morning  
3 Bad luck - Bad headache  
4 Good luck - Music club  
7 Bad luck - Security  
8 Good luck - Hinata-kun's safety  
3 Good luck - Sasaki-san's improvement

15 Good luck  
13 Bad luck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAA AA A HH H
> 
> //istg why is dr0 a th I Ng


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Komaeda meets up with some friends.

Komaeda woke up that morning feeling normal. His headache was present, but not unbearable. He climbed out of bed and felt dizzy like he always did, but it was to be expected. Breakfast was good, not delicious, just good. The bus on the way to school was crowded, but there was breathing room, it wasn't uncomfortable. Komaeda wasn't unhappy per se, he was simply on edge. It was illogical to wait for the second shoe to drop, considering it seemed as though there wasn't a first shoe to speak of, but he could never be sure. But today's circumstances were favorable to that of only a few days ago, so there was no use dwelling on it.

Morning announcements were rudimentary, clubs doing this and that, a message from the headmaster reminding that murder is prohibited on school grounds, lunch schedules, his mind was wandering when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.

1 text from Matsuda

It had been a while since he'd read those words, he opened the text to find exactly what he expected. Matsuda wanted to see him during class period. Usually, Komaeda never had things to do during class periods, but recently he had spent the entirety of his class periods with the music club, so he actually had to do a bit of juggling with his activities lately. He suddenly grinned without realizing, is this what normal students did? The thought of it felt exciting. After a few moments, he supposed he could use at least a bit of the time to see one of his doctors. After asking Mioda if she would be alright with it, he offered to walk Tsumiki to the med lab, as he usually did on days he had to visit the room.   
"Oh, that's, um, so kind of you Komaeda-san! What, um, led you to ask...?"  
He smiled softly at her, slightly worried that if he moved too suddenly, she'd run away.  
"I'd be delighted to walk any SHSL to their class! But in fact, I needed to go to the med lab today anyway, so I thought we could go together like we usually do. Unless of course, you realized you're disgusted with the idea of going with me! In which case I'll gladly walk an acceptable distance away from you while I walk! It'll surely be safer that way too."  
The girl responded with a furious shake of her not-quite-violet-haired head, "No! I would love to walk with you! Thank you so much!"  
She even bowed slightly for effect, Komaeda laughed quietly. "A SHSL like yourself is in no place to bow to me, but we are cut for time. So... if you're sure, we should be going."

The walk to the med lab was relatively quiet, Tsumiki's footsteps falling into rhythmic tandem with his own, the sound only interrupted by the chatter of passing students. Even after Tsumiki, (and he supposed himself as well,) made a show out of wanting to walk together, Komaeda still felt it was appropriate to walk slightly farther back than the nurse, as he always did, but maybe a little farther this time. The windows let in bright late-morning light as they walked down the halls. Both characters were the doormat type, so they tended to weave around the incoming groups of students, always somehow finding the other and walking by their side with a flurry of apologies from both ends about the temporary separation until one of them took initiative and declared that both of them were equally 'sorry' and 'ok'. Despite what one may think, that person was often Tsumiki. This awkward but strangely signifies phenomenon didn't happen too much today, however, and even if it did, Komaeda assumed it would have lacked its common 'charm'. 

Tsumiki's voice cut through his thoughts like a scalpel.  
"I, um, I thought you hated me... for a while..."  
A short silence fell over the two as Komaeda felt panic stab into his chest, he could only assume Tsumiki felt similarly.  
"What could I have done for you to think that? I only adore all you SHSLs!"  
The worrisome girl laughed sadly. Despite how in-character that may seem, she didn't usually laugh when she felt upset, which was often. Usually, her laughs were always genuine, some were quiet and sweet and made you feel light, some were louder and messier and were unexpectedly contagious, but however rare they were, they were always genuine.  
"You, um, I don't know you just, always say good morning to me? And I kind of... look forward to it? Oh gosh, that sounds so needy, I'm so sorry, I just... you didn't that one day? And I thought that maybe you weren't feeling well but I didn't want to intrude so I asked the next day, but you said that you were in pain... but you were still speaking to me like nothing was wrong, so I thought that maybe you just hated me... I'm so so sorry..."  
At some point, Tsukiki began to cry quietly, another abnormality. Without thinking Komaeda quickly ran to her side to gently hold her by the shoulder and calm her down.  
"No! Tsumiki-san, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been so selfish as to put my own feelings above yours! I was stressed, that's all, I could never hate you!"  
She wiped tears from her face.  
"...really...?"  
Komaeda smiled, now terrified that the girl would fall apart if he looked at her wrong.  
"Of course, you're full of such glimmering hope! You bring so much light into this world, not just with your talent, but even with your very existence. You're truly amazing."  
A small smile grew on the girl's face as she laughed, and this time it sounded just as he remembered, "Um, thank you Komaeda-san..."  
She looked as if she wanted to say something else, but decided against it. Komaeda found enough respect in himself not to mention it.  
"It's my pleasure, Tsumiki-san."

"Hello Tsumiki-senpai, Komaeda-senpai."  
Kirigiri was polite enough to greet them as they approached the lab. Naegi simply didn't notice them while Mukuro and Ryouko Otonashi ignored them completely, one of the only similarities between the twins was their collective indifference towards things they believe didn't concern them, it was as if they were in their own little world that consisted of only themselves. Komaeda imagined that would be a simple life, though he knew, in reality, it was anything but, which was probably why they kept to themselves in the first place. Upon hearing Kirigiri's greeting, Naegi turned to face them with his signature smile that glowed like a faraway star. Komaeda felt his heart melt slightly in his chest.  
"Oh, good morning you two! Komaeda-senpai, are you seeing Matsuda-senpai? Everything ok?"  
Komaeda couldn't keep down his wide grin, he never really could when it came to the genuine SHSL Lucky Student.  
"Ah, it's so kind of you to ask! Matsuda-kun just called me into his office for a checkup I think, I'm feeling fine in fact! But thank you so much for caring! Someone with as much hope as you is so high above me it's a wonder how you can even hear the senseless ramblings of trash like me!"  
He could recognize his own senses feeling farther and farther away when Naegi laughed nervously, the sound like tiny golden bells ringing in the wind.  
"I keep telling you, I'm really not all that... and trust me, you have a lot more of a presence than you give yourself credit for."  
Komaeda was about to respond with a fervor that greatly outmatched the underclassman when he felt Tsumiki grip his sleeve nervously, urging him to go inside. He realized how rude he must have been to her, and complied.

"Took you two long enough."   
Matsuda was waiting for them, his eyebrows were furrowed as he looked up from his manga, no doubt the same one he was reading the last time Komaeda had seen him, and the time before that.  
Tsumiki was about to start apologizing when Komaeda laughed lightheartedly, "I'm terribly sorry Matsuda-kun, but your friends are just delightful! It would have been simply rude to just ignore them."  
Despite Komaeda meaning no ill (though ulterior) intent behind his coincidentally hypocritical words, Matsuda's frown only deepened.  
"I didn't call you into my office to be polite. Don't apologize Tsumiki, just get over to where you're supposed to be."  
Tsumiki stood ramrod straight and nodded before running over to the other side of the room to sanitize.  
Matsuda continued, "If they were so 'delightful' I wouldn't have had to make them stand outside. Of course, you'd argue that Naegi over there is the second coming of God."  
Komaeda smiled at the mention of the boy's name and laughed at the surprisingly accurate portrayal.  
"He might as well be! He has so much raw hope it's almost unbearable to just be in his presence! I don't know how you can handle it Matsuda-kun."  
Matsuda scoffed and rolled his eyes, as if he was just told a bad joke.  
"Not everyone sees what you see in the guy, despite him having three girlfriends."  
Komaeda could only laugh further at the nativity of his doctor. Even SHSL upperclassmen weren't subject to the kind of enlightenment he sought.  
"Well I guess not everyone has good taste then."  
Matsuda stood from his chair to prepare the scanning bed, not denying the notion that he didn't have the aforementioned 'good taste'.  
"Yeah, well, I didn't ask for your opinion, I asked for a CT scan."  
Komaeda set his book bag down on the same spot floor as he usually did, the motion practiced and familiar.  
"Of course."

After the CT scan, Komaeda found himself being kicked out by Matsuda and left to chat idly with the moody student's friends, or at least the people he tolerated. Naegi used the opportunity to inquire about the project he and the music club had been working on as of late.   
"Sayaka said that you're helping her and Mioda-senpai write a song. I was surprised to hear you're interested in that kind of thing."   
Komaeda almost felt his throat close up at the notion of Naegi knowing of his love for music, but figured his image of him couldn't get much lower at this point, and even if it could, that was how it should be.   
"Ah well, music is such an amazing form of beauty it's difficult not to be drawn to such a hobby. Though I would have never even imagined writing a song if Mioda-san hadn't asked. Even then I was hesitant."  
Mukuro took it upon herself to add in her two cents into the conversation, an uncommon but welcome gesture.  
"Sayaka taught me a little about singing actually," she eyed Ryouko warily as she said this, though the redhead was too busy peeking through the lab window to notice, "she's good at what she does, I'm sure you'll learn a lot from her."  
Komaeda smiled, half in a silent 'thank you', while the other half carried the energy of a smirk. He didn't think it was as appropriate to pry into her relationship with her sister as it was her relationship with her girlfriend, so that's exactly what he did.  
"Yes I think so too, but if I may ask, why did you take an interest in singing?"  
Mukuro's face slowly turned pink at his inadvertent observation, which caused both Naegi and Kirigiri to smile, seemingly aware of his plot. The soldier took a short moment to compose herself again, almost unnoticeably, before retaliating with an expected rebuttal.  
"Music is beautiful, as you said yourself. It shouldn't be difficult to understand the appeal."  
Mukuro's answer was sensible, and he didn't have anything else to hold against her, so he was about to back down when the second not-quite-violet haired girl of his day came in with her own set of attacks.  
"But Komaeda-senpai is observant, you didn't take much care into the arts until you started seeing us, did you Mukuro?"  
Naegi was about to burst into laughter when Ryouko turned to deliver the final blow.  
"Oh yeah. I mean I can't remember much so don't take my word for it, but I'm pretty sure Muku hated singing before she started dating you guys."  
Mukuro's eyes sharpened for a split second at her sister before softening, and maybe she even let a small smile show. "I won't, take your word for it I mean."  
Ryouko feigned betrayal as laughter erupted among the group. They continued the lighthearted banter, conversation flowing freely between the students after the initial ice-breaker until the lunch bell rang. Komaeda was left remembering something he can't believe he had forgotten, even briefly. Despite everything, he really did love being with the SHSLs, however much he didn't deserve it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Children scream and chant as Komaeda contemplates the meaning of love.

After the appropriate goodbyes, Komaeda sent a text to Hinata saying he might be a bit late to lunch, and almost immediately getting a text back saying that 'for the last time' he didn't need to tell him this 'every goddamn day' and to just tell him if he will be more than 5 minutes. Komaeda quickly typed out an '☆｡ﾟ+.(人-ω◕ฺ)ﾟ+.ﾟ' emoticon, earning the always guaranteed 'AND STOP MAKING THOSE STUPID FACES!!!' response.

He had been paying so much attention to his phone he didn't realize he was on a collision course with the notorious distracted gamer of the school.  
"Oof."  
That was the sound she made when Nanami had basically knocked Komaeda off his feet, the small girl having much more strength and sturdiness than most estimate. Not looking up from her game console of the day, today's being a Gameboy advance, she offered him a hand which he took in a still shocked daze.  
"Ah, I'm so sorry Nanami-san, I should really watch where I'm going. How silly of me."  
There was the sound of a game over screen when the not-quite-pink haired girl looked into his eyes for the first time since their meeting. What was with all these girls and faded hair dye anyway?  
"..." She exemplified her signature silent stare for a moment, something almost everyone in the class had learned not to interrupt.  
"...I was also looking down at my screen, I'm as much to blame as you are..."  
Komaeda sighed, she was always like this, almost as stubborn as Naegi this one, never willing to accept her place above him. "I see, well sorry again."

He was about to walk past her when he felt a tug on his sleeve for the second time that day. Is he just interacting with all the same girls today or what? Tentatively, he looked back and saw a solid stare returning his questioning gaze. He doesn't think he'll ever get over how steady and sure her eyes look even when dozing off.  
"...How's the game going?"  
Komaeda let go of a breath he didn't realize he was holding as he turned around fully to face her. She had that effect on most people.  
"Fine I think, it's very fun! The gameplay is simple but spectacularly therapeutic! I might even have to recommend it to Gekkogahara-senpai." Nanami smiled warmly at the thought of someone enjoying one of her games, everyone knows that it's one of her favorite things to hear from someone. "I'm glad, it's one of the best games in the series. But not many people play it anymore since the graphics are a bit behind the times, but not so much that it's considered 'retro' ya'know?" The word 'retro' accompanied by two tired air quotes, Komaeda returns her quiet enthusiasm with a smile of his own. He allowed the SHSL to talk about her talent until she suddenly stopped. His breath caught again for a second before she asked,  
"Which girl did you choose?"  
"...Huh?"

Nanami shook her head before going into another monologue about the game. "There's a romance feature in the game? You can choose what girl you marry but you only have one in-game year to pick before the game defaults." She looked at him expectantly, as if this would jog a memory he didn't have.  
"...I'm 10 months into the game."  
The gamer's eyes widened, before crinkling from a wide smile.  
"You played that much? That's so great! Usually, someone only plays for a few hours until they get bored!"  
Her smile died however, her eyes opening wider yet.  
"You have to pick a girl then, like, now. There's still time to get one of their favors."  
She all but grabbed Komaeda by the shoulders, steadying the two of them as if his very life could turn upside down in response to the question she was yet to ask, which all things considered, might even be the case.  
"So you remember Nami, Mumu, and Celia right?"  
Komaeda nodded, feeling like it was all he could've done at the moment.  
"Those girls are the three eligible bachelorettes in town, you can choose one of them to marry."  
The relatively short girl pivoted her body to the side and pointed one dramatic finger at his nose, the other hand rested strongly on her hip, completing the power pose. With startling conviction he should be used to, but likely never will be, she asked a question he didn't think he'd ever hear in his young life.

"Which girl do you choose to marry???"

Passerby looked in their direction as the seemingly accusing girl didn't seem to notice, while Komaeda made a point to avoid any of their eyes or anyone's eyes for that matter.  
"I, uh, don't really want to, um, marry anyone??? I know all of them as good friends, I wouldn't want to ruin that."  
It wasn't a lie, it just wasn't the whole truth. There was, in fact, one girl he was more fond of than the other two, but given the choice of marrying one or living alone, he'd much rather let her live her own life than become a part of his.  
"Not an option, you have to choose one, the series doesn't let you live alone until later instalments. A downfall in my opinion but it doesn't bother most other people. I just don't like in-game romance."

...Ok, so, given the choice of marrying one or marrying one, he supposed he'd have to let someone into his life one way or another.  
"I suppose... Celia then?"  
Komaeda felt himself become increasingly awkward, he could understand why Nanami wasn't good at dating sims.  
"...Celia?"  
If he looked close enough, he could see the gears turning in the girl's head. As if she was piecing together the puzzle that was his life just from his answer to such an obsolete question.  
"Yeah, Celia. She always works so hard on her friend's farm, she has such small dreams but she takes them just as seriously as if she were trying to solve world hunger."  
Komaeda jolted slightly in place and made a vague gesture to the top of his own head, looking nervous and at least a little pink in the face.  
"Also the uh, cowlick is cute..."  
He couldn't help but compare her character to Hinata when he first saw her in the game. Simple, basic, boring, but that only exaggerates the immense amount of hope they emanate. Even without a flashy personality or an eye-catching design, they both seemed to make a long lasting impression on him, even if he had only seen them for a moment before they had run off to one responsibility or another.  
"She's a very hopeful individual, is she not?"

Nanami's gears kept turning for about twenty seconds before a look of faint realization dawned on her features.  
"...Oh, well I guess you don't have to do anything then."  
Her face immediately relaxed, but behind her hooded eyelids, her eyes held that same intensity from a few moments ago.   
"I'm sorry?"  
She seemed to have woken up in her own eyes'-open-but-brain's-shut-down kind of way before she smiled knowingly, which was mildly off-putting, Komaeda himself not knowing what she had figured out.  
"...She's the only girl that loves you from the start..."  
Her eyes crinkled as her smile widened equally as slightly. Komaeda's nose crinkled in comparison with a crooked, disbelieving smile of his own.  
"...Not a very realistic game is it?"  
The hoodie-clad girl gave a non-committal shrug, eyes never losing that knowing gaze as she turned her head to avoid his eyes.  
"That depends on you Komaeda-kun, but personally, I shouldnt've been surprised you picked the plainest girl, to be honest..."  
Komaeda tilted his head to get a better view of her face, only to find the same blank facial expression he expected with those eyes that could tell a thousand truths and a lie to go with each one, every word said so sweetly you couldn't find it in you to believe she had any ill intent.  
"What are you insinuating?"  
The still girl abruptly turned to face him, making Komaeda jerk his head into an unsuspecting position equally as quickly, causing the girl in front of him to laugh quietly.  
"Nothin'..."  
And with that, she walked past him, patting him on the shoulder as she restarted her Gameboy advance.

-

"Ok, maybe you were right this time, but it still doesn't mean you need to say it every day! It's normal to start leaving after the bell rings, that's what I do anyway."  
Hinata spoke around the rice in his mouth as he talked to Komaeda, the latter only half listening as he stared intently at the other boy's cowlick. It really did look a lot like a manga character's huh? Without thinking, he raised his hand to the wild strand, extended his index finger, and flicked the distracting accessory. It didn't spring back up with a comical 'boing', but it did return to its original shape, which entertained him enough. He felt a soft smile spread across his face as he brought his hand down from the boy's head. It wasn't until then he noticed that whatever Hinata was saying was abruptly cut off, Komeada not recognizing the sound until it had stopped. He looked away from Hinata's hair to level with olive green eyes that were much larger than he had remembered them being. Around the eyes the skin that made up the other's face was noticeably warmer in color than it usually was, Komaeda imagined it would be warm to the touch as well. He brought his attention back up to the eyes, looking into the blown pupils, taking note of the texture of the cornea. He had always known there were shapes in Hinata's eyes that resembled stop signs, but upon closer inspection, the cornea was simply textured darker around the inner and outer sections of the green circles. The middle appeared brighter in comparison, and there were two thin lines of material crossing the innermost dark section, almost perfectly across from each other, forming a line that seemingly went through the pupil. Interesting... very interesting...  
"...Um, Komaeda...?"  
There was a slight wobble to Hinata's voice. Was he nervous? Why? They both knew Komaeda was the nervous one out of the two. Why was he nervous all of the sudden?   
"Um... Ko? You're freaking me out here, dude."  
Komaeda hummed pleasantly at hearing the affectionate nickname he sometimes heard from Hinata, still looking into the olive orbs that have yet to lose his attention. He was socially inept, this much he knew. He knew he made people feel uncomfortable, and yet Hinata didn't seem to mind. I Komaeda didn't know any better, he'd think Hinata enjoyed the strange atmosphere that seemed to follow Komaeda around like a heavy raincloud.  
"Not the first time... not the last..."  
It was at this particular moment that Komaeda recognized that his arm hurt, as it was at an uncomfortable angle, leaning forward as he was. He shifted his weight and slid his arm forward a bit...

"OW."  
"HOLY MOTHER OF GOD."

Komaeda knocked his forehead into Hinata's, hard. He fell onto the shorter boy for a second before coming to and pushing himself up, offering Hinata a hand as well.   
"Oh mygodI'msosorrywhathappenedohmy god."  
Hinata took a bit longer to adjust to the pain at the front of his skull, even rubbing at it a bit in an attempt to ease the pain.  
Shit.  
"Ugh, I'm fine... you kept staring at me and you got closer and..."  
his face became even warmer if possible,  
"...yeah."  
Komaeda looked from Hinata to their food to the grass beneath them, before finally falling back into the green mass with his head in his hands.  
"Uggghhhh..."  
He dramatically extended his arms and flopped them onto the grass to his sides, laughing up into the sky in a strange yet not entirely unfamiliar state of embarrassment induced euphoria.  
"WHAT JUST HAPPENED???"  
He laughed for a bit longer before he could hear Hinata join in, it was always nice to not laugh alone. He sat up abruptly straight and smiled widely at Hinata's face, which was somehow smiling even larger than his own.  
Naegi's laugh may sound like the chime of bells but Hinata's sounded like the warm 'bang' of a small gong, the sound starting out strong and reverberating throughout his very bones.  
His smile may glow but Hinata's radiated, everything else seemed brighter yet faded when he smiled full force, much like the sun in the day's sky.  
Komaeda loved the hope of his friend and found himself wishing his life would always have something as bright as Hinata in it.  
Komaeda may have loved his friend altogether, but that was a topic for a later time. Right now, he laughed.

-

Slice, peel, slice, peel, slice, peel...

The rhythm was even, always even, once in a while he'd stop and think, or stop because he had sliced his finger by accident, but when he returned, it was always the same. The action was relaxed and tranquil as he listened to the low but loud noise of cars zooming across the street to his left, and the fading sound of student's chatter behind him. He enjoyed the process and the atmosphere and was happy knowing that Kotoko would appreciate the effort, even if she never said it aloud. As he worked, he mulled over Sasaki. Had she seen a doctor yet? She seemed as if she should, he would have to ask her later tonight.

...peel, slice, peel, slice peel...

-

"Servant! My chestnuts!"  
Kotoko Utsugi bounded straight over to him as soon as he walked through the door. She held both her hands out as she stood on her toes in front of Komaeda, making a show out of her impeccable posture. Komaeda dropped the bag of freshly peeled nuts into her waiting palms as gracefully as he could, before her regal demeanor dropped completely and she snatched the unsuspecting bag out of his hands with animalistic fervor, scurrying off to show her winnings to Masaru, Nagisa, and Jataro.  
"Hello, Komaeda. How are you today?"  
Hakukawa approached him with a grace that stood unparalleled with any other living being in the room, even with children hanging off of her every limb. It was a common sight to see, though he couldn't say he didn't still find it funny.  
"Good, thank you. Anyone else joining us today?"  
Usually, the orphanage had at least three workers taking care of the kids at once, but it wasn't necessarily unusual for the two of them to work alone. Harukawa nodded, her face stoic but noticeably tired.  
"Yes, everyone actually, I'm surprised you and the Otonashi's don't come together."  
As they walked to the back room, her face betrayed her words. The caretaker very visibly didn't care for the conversation but engaged probably for the sake of improving relations with her coworkers in case she decides to take a break and needs someone to cover for her. An understandable motive.  
"I prefer to walk at my own pace, and Ryouko-san is very... much, sometimes."  
It wasn't that she was unpleasant, it's just that she was almost manic when placed side by side with her sister, not to mention needing to repeat yourself frequently and needing to remind her of your name nearly as frequently. And though the distracted girl did often offer the best conversation material he had in years, she gave him a frighteningly despairful chill sometimes. Harukawa made a sound akin to the beginning of a laugh, an extremely rare sight from her, before speaking in her monotone voice with just a hint of amusement.  
"Yeah I hear that, but she does good work so I can't complain."

Komaeda grabbed his uniform from the back and changed in the employee restroom, the uniform was a simple pair of baggy blue jeans, so baggy as to fit all genders, and a white t-shirt with a baby blue stripe going across the chest with a star on the left. The t-shirt was equally as baggy as the jeans for the same reason, so as a result of the seams on the shoulders almost never sat on Komaeda's body as aligned as he would like. It was awfully plain, and Komaeda was used to wearing clothes that while may not be the most flattering, were high quality and manufactured by name brands, (cruelty-free, of course) but the uniform was charming and surprisingly comfortable. Komaeda exit the restrooms to see Harukawa, both the Otonashi's, Komaru and Fukawa all trying to calm down children with Go-Gurts clutched in their paws, chanting the words 'black and white' over and over. Realistically it should've been more concerning, but when was anything in his life realistic?

"I see the black and white gang came back to grace us with their fruity yogurt snacks."

The 'black and white gang' was a reoccurring phenomenon that had been going on around the orphanage for a few months. Originally thought to be one person with Go-Gurts to spare, they were a group of an unknown amount of people who commit petty theft, mostly in Go-Gurt and grape Fanta. No one really knows much about the group, in fact Komaeda's almost positive that their little orphanage knows more about the gang than the police, as once a week, the Go-Gurt would go missing, and once a week, they would appear in the children's hands, along with the monochrome mantra that rang through everyone's ears like thunderclaps. The name for the gang was just a rough guess made by the staff of the orphanage based on the little evidence they had. Harukawa said she saw them once, arms clad in white sleeves popped in through the windows, Go-Gurts in their grip. No more than 5 arms, no less than 3 arms, and then they were gone.

As Komaeda tried his best to hold his resolve in the shouting sea of infantry he felt a staggeringly strong pull on his shirt, he was just being dragged around today, huh?  
"Servant! Look look!!! The black and white people gave me vanilla flavor today!"  
He looked down to see Jataro Kemuri gazing up at him through his mask. There was a sparkle in his eyes and a large smile playing on his face. Komaeda bent down to his eye level and spoke as softly as the loud volume of the room would allow.  
"That's wonderful Jataro, I know that one's your favorite."  
This information seemed to light up the little boy's world.  
"Really??? You remember???? I don't know if that's a good or bad thing because that means you probably don't hate me...and also that you might remember the time I ate a bird..."  
The offhanded, unrelated topics Jataro often brought up were still unnerving to some volunteers, Komaeda was not one of these people, but he still could acknowledge the source of discomfort for others.  
"Of course I remember, not the bird though, but even if I did it's definitely not a bad thing! I don't hate you but you don't have to like me, in fact, you can hate me too!"  
Komaeda was fairly certain a fair amount of people already did, and although he was incredibly fond of the creative boy, he didn't mind giving up his undeserved role of his 'favorite servant' in favor of Jataro's comfort.  
"Oh! Well I don't really hate you all that much... and I guess it's ok if you don't hate me... but you can still hate me whenever you want, the offer is always open, and also you don't have to worry about me eating a bird again."

Jataro smiled at him again, smaller but just as real, Komaeda wasn't entirely sure how often his smiles were like that, but he decided that it didn't make the occasion any less special.  
"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind for whenever I feel like you might."

When things calmed down Komaeda allowed himself time to socialize, he turned to see Komaru Naegi, the younger sister of the Makoto Naegi he was so fond of, being surrounded by children from almost every angle, namely Masaru, Kotoko, and Jataro. Her partner in crime, Touko Fukawa, a classmate of her brother's, sat with Nagisa in relative calm helping him with his homework, relative being the key word here, since every two minutes you could hear Nagisa say something along the lines of, 'you're trying to get me to write porn again', followed by bemused and frustrated exclamation from the braided-haired individual in question. He opted to help Komaru with her situation over the prospect of getting involved with interrupting the SHSL Writer and the SESL Social Studies while they're... so hard at work. He made his way to the eye of the storm and requested a moment alone with Komaru, earning multiple whines, but they are actually good kids when it comes down to it. After a promise to play later, they headed in the direction of one Mukuro Otonashi, Komaeda sent his silent regards. 

"I don't know how you can handle all these children that can't wait to get their hands on you."  
The topic seemed safe enough, but then Komaru laughed awkwardly, eyeing a certain girl with pink pigtails from across the room. Komaeda felt he had failed another instance of social interaction when she sighed and said quietly,  
"In more ways than one..."  
...  
"What?"  
"What? Anyway, Touko-san and I gotta go home and study."  
The topic abruptly dropped and Komaeda significantly depressed, she made her way over to the small table the two were sitting at.  
"Hey Touko-san, I think we should go now, yeah?"  
Fukawa looked between her best friend and the blue-haired boy for approximately one second before standing up and saying a relieved, 'thank god.' Everyone here knew Fukawa the adored kids, particularly the small group of especially quirky ones that call themselves the 'Warriors of Hope,' (Komaeda is so unbelievably proud) but her patience wears thin at the best of times. Nagisa stood up from his chair too.  
"But my creative writing assignment!" Fukawa let out a sigh before turning right back towards the studious boy.  
"You won't even let me help in the first place!"  
He crossed his arms and pointedly rolled his eyes at the outburst. The amount of sass that they tolerate from these kids is staggering when you forget that it's mostly because this orphanage is dead-ass broke and can only accept work from high school volunteers with no experience. How these kids put up with THEM was beyond him. How did that even work again? Maybe Ryouko knew...  
"Because all you want to do is write por-"  
"WHATEVER, ask your art friend for help instead."  
Nagisa looked confused before lazily pointing to the mask-clad boy she was referring to with a look that communicated, 'Do I look like I speak non-intellectual to you?'  
"He doesn't write though."  
Fukawa let out about the third sigh he's seen from her today, she kneeled down in front of Nagisa and spoke noticeably softer.  
"What makes me write is what makes him draw and build, the only difference is his is boring."  
From across the room, you could hear a small shout of, "Dying pigs aren't boring!!"  
Fukawa waved a hand in the air flippantly, as if shooing away the statement from the air.  
"Anyway, just talk with him a bit, anything he says that makes you think for more than ten seconds is bound to be worth jotting down."  
Nagisa looked dejected for a while before complying, and even offering a small smile. "I'll... do that." Touko smiled back as a silent 'thank you' before standing up with a groan.  
"Alright kid, good luck on your boring homework. C'mon Omaru."  
The purple haired girl, (how many of those were there?) linked her arm with her friend's, a normal occurrence for them.  
"Aw, Toko, you're so sweet with kids."  
"I'm not."  
"Everything is relative, Toki."   
"Don't call me that."  
Komaeda could only smile at the cute moment before remembering something he should ask, he tapped Komaru on the shoulder, greatly annoying Fukawa, but it was important.

"Komaru-san, I forgot to ask... how is she?"  
Komaru' face immediately fell, he felt bad, but again, it was important.  
"Uhh... same as ever...?"  
She offered a lopsided smile, as though that offset the grave meaning of the words.  
"So not great then."  
She looked down to her right, where a small green-haired girl sat in the corner, observing the other kids.  
"No."

"Hello Monaca... how are you?"  
The young girl looked down to where she was holding her knees to her chest.  
"...doesn't matter."  
She looked up again, eyeing the Warriors of Hope as they tried to get Mukuro to play another round of soccer with them outside.  
"...they're never going to forgive you, but it's not a lost cause to try and be better, I know you have so much potential for h-"  
"Don't say hope."  
"...for happiness... is what I meant to say."  
She scoffed, she knew him too well to do otherwise.  
"...no it wasn't." He looked at her uniquely patterned green eyes, and they made eye contact for a split second before she averted them again.  
"But I still mean it. Don't get so hung up on them, you don't even like them do you?"  
There was a beat of silence.  
"Not one bit."  
Komaeda made an 'mm' noise, just to make it clear that he acknowledged the sentiment.  
"Then who do you like? To converse with of course."  
She thought for a moment, a few moments before answering.  
"I... I like adults... they're mean sometimes but they get me... they aren't like kids that'll listen to anything they're told, they know what they're doing, they're smart. And just so you know, no, I don't consider you or any other volunteer at this rinky-dink orphanage a real adult."  
Komaeda laughed at that, there was an inside joke among almost every living person in the orphanage that the volunteers can't control the kids, and that the only reason they aren't dead yet is that the kids choose to behave, though honestly being that well-liked in itself was an accomplishment beyond words.  
"You do like me though, for reasons I can't tell you, and you definitely won't tell me, but-"  
"It's because you take care of me."

He wasn't expecting the sudden confession, but he tried to hide his bewilderment in favor of letting Monaca continue with what she wanted to say.  
"You actually, really take care of me. You guys give me food but they did that at my old house too, the thing is you care about what food I eat if I like it. If I'm hungry you'll get me a snack, if I don't act like a 'normal kid' you don't call me a freak and you don't try to profit off of it because you just see me as a kid and I haven't been treated like a kid in a long time and I just-"  
She took a deep breath, she looked like she needed it.  
"...I didn't know how much I wanted to just be a kid until I came here. I don't need to fake anything, I don't need to pretend I'm dying for anyone's pity. I don't have to manipulate anyone anymore... I still do sometimes, it's a force of habit but I've been trying to be more..."  
She looked him square in the eyes, her voice quivered but her eyes were dry, almost like she lost the ability to cry altogether.  
"...honest... so yeah, that's me I guess..."

"...is a hug ok?"  
"...yeah."

-

"I'm home. Hello everybody."  
A chorus of 'Good evening Komaeda-sama' greets him as he walks into the house. Sasaki comes up to see him, which isn't unusual, but Komaeda can't help but be suspicious as to why she seems so eager to see him.  
"Ah, Komaeda-sama! How was your day?"  
A bright smile presented itself on the young woman's face, but Komaeda could see the signs of exhaustion seeping through.  
"...Sasaki-san, have you seen a doctor yet?"  
Her face paled and fell noticeably, Komaeda appreciated her immensely but he also knew her well enough to know she wouldn't put extra work on the others, even if only because of a doctor's visit.  
"No, I haven't, but I've been taking medicine. The nasty thing is just a bit tough, that's all."  
She smiled as if that made him feel any better.  
"...See a doctor later this week, even if you believe you're fine, you might get the other servants sick."  
It was a lame reason, but it was valid enough to receive an 'if you say so' from the maid.  
A sigh escaped his lips, "Perhaps I could speak with you for a bit Sasaki-san, if it wouldn't be too much trouble. I've had a long day and I would like to relax a bit before dinner is prepared."  
The maid's face lit up, she always seemed to want to know more about Komaeda's days.  
"Of course! When have I ever said otherwise?"

They were seated in the library when Sasaki-san asked the question she had always seemed to worm into their conversations.  
"So how is that Hinata boy you're always on about? Still setting your heart ablaze every lunch?"  
The nature of their conversations always somehow became a gossip session for Sasaki, a prominent habit of hers, though he didn't know many women in their 20's, so this very well might have been a constant for everyone among the age group.  
"He's... well we kind of had a thing today."  
"A thing?" Her tone of voice alone oozed rapture, she seemed to be hanging off of every word he said, like watching one of those 'soapies' that some people seem to enjoy.  
"I... may have zoned out while we were talking..."  
"Yes?"  
"I started playing with his hair..."  
"Go on..."  
"It was really embarrassing but apparently I got really close without realizing it..."  
"Get on with it already!"  
"And I headbutted him in the face."  
Sasaki leaned back in her chair, forehead held in the palm of her hand in visible exhaustion.  
"...you're hopeless Komaeda-sama."

-

Laying in bed that night, he remembered the conversation he had with Hinata, maybe a week before.

Did he love Kotoko?  
Did he love the rest of the children?  
Did he love Naegi?  
Did he love Sasaki?  
Did he love Hinata?  
What even was love?  
He googled it.

Strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties.  
(maternal love for a child)

Attraction based on sexual desire: affection and tenderness felt by lovers.  
(After all these years, they are still very much in love.)

Affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests.  
(love for his old schoolmates)

...After googling it he decided love was far simpler than what people had led him to believe.

He also decided that he, in fact, did love people in his life, a great many people actually.

Did anyone love him?

...

No.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO FUCKING SORRY?????? I NEEDED TO DO RESEARCH FOR THIS CHAPTER AND I WAS ALSO IN A WRITING SLUMP AND PROBABLY EDITED THE LAST TWO CHAPTERS 17 TIMES EACH BUT ITS HERE NOW!!!!!!!!!!! also if you thought this fic was anything more or other than a place to spit my headcanons at people youre literally dead wrong, HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!


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